Being a single mother is not easy. I missed my daughter's first step and her first time being successful using the potty because I was working. I finally had to make peace with my situation, and accept the fact that I had to provide for us, because the child support I was receiving barely paid for her child care let alone pay the other bills. I got over my guilt quickly.
I did wonder how working outside the home and not having her dad in the home as a role model would affect her down the road. I wondered if she would grow up thinking that moms who did stay at home or had husbands who provided was abnormal. As a single mother, so many things went through my mind. When I growing up my mother took care of the home while my father worked. You know the traditional woman versus man duties. Mom cooks, cleans, does laundry and dad works, mows the lawn, fixes the pipes etc.
I soon realized that times had changed. The work force was full of women who had husbands and children, and still managed to run their homes. The work force was also full of divorced or single mothers who also ran their homes, had children in school who were doing well and some had gone on to become lawyers, doctors and whatever else they choose. I realized that the household that I grew up in was no longer the norm in society. Women had moved up and on. They had become multitasking moms and no longer fell into that traditional stay at home role.
I also decided that I would never be my mother! I love her for everything she did when I was growing up, I learned a lot. She thought my sister and I going into the work force and becoming non-traditional mothers was strange. Now she sees that it's the new normal. Welcome to 2014.
As my daughter got older, we had several discussions about her biological father and me having to work to provide. She soon realized that she too was better off without him in her life, and stands by her decision to this day. He's now on the outside looking in, and wishing he had a relationship with her and his grandchildren. She understood, after all I wasn't the only single mother in the world. She had friends who had single mothers too. I continued to provide and she continued to excel because she had all the love and the necessities that she needed without a father in the home. Here are a few lessons that she learned:
- A mother's love is the strongest love on this earth
- She had a strong mother who taught her to be a strong woman and mother
- Welfare and other public assistance is not an option when you're able to work
- Always work to better yourself and don't blame others for you decisions
- We don't live in a perfect world
- Some circles should be broken and some should remain unbroken
- There are children who have fathers in the home who are drunks, drug addicts or who just don't contribute and live off their wife or girlfriend
- Judge Greg Mathis
- President Obama
- President Clinton
- Mary J Blige
- Pierce Brosnan
- Tom Cruise
- Al Pacino
- Barbara Streisand
- Mariah Carey
- Halle Berry
Our children may not grow up to be presidents and celebrities, but we don't have to feel guilty as single mothers and neither do our children. Stand proud, stay strong and earn that bread!
